MEN, WOMEN, FIGHTING & SEX
Simply Said: Man says to God: "Why did you make women so DESIRABLE?"
God : "So you would love her!"
Man: "But, God,why did you make her so DUMB?"
God: "So SHE would love YOU!!" Amen to that.....
The true man wants two things: Danger & Play
For that reason he wants woman; the most dangerous plaything!
Friedrich Nietzsche
My Advice: (1) NEVER be sick at the same time! MEN become adorable and needy little boys and women want comforting without having to ask for it!
(2) NEVER use an "audience" as a "stage" to cut each other down! It makes others uncomfortable & having to choose sides AND it is UNFAIR FIGHTING!
THIS POST IS DEVOTED TO EXPLAINING SOME OF THE DISTINCT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN THAT IS VITAL TO KNOW!
MOST will be based on what studies have shown interspersed with some of MY
comments after 51 years of marriage. MY comments will be in BLUE.
Three types of love:
(1)Fragile & Passionate or Stable & Companionable.
(2)"The Attachment Theory": A physical connection &
a physical sense of "loss" if they leave.
(3) "The "Styles of Love" by John Alan Lee; 1970 study.
LUDUS: (Game-playing)...several partners; non-committing; the "chase".
EROS: (romantic/passionate) ...."true love"...."love at first sight", etc.
STORGE:("store gaye") ....affectionate & friendly; GROWS out of strong friendship!
AGAPE:(a-ga-pay) Unconditional Love is actually a state of "grace" where
we love someone even if they do not deserve that love at that time.
SO, HOW DO MEN AND WOMEN REACT TO THE SAME THING?!
(You, of course, are free to disagree with these studies or not;give me feedback if you do. Women and Men are Different....Duh.
SITUATION:
(1) PROBLEM SOLVING
MEN: They want to "FIX IT"; come up with SOLUTIONS; ACT on it now!
WOMEN: They want to "IMPROVE IT", offer advice/criticism "For his own good!"...why does he resent that?"
ME: In the LOVE NEEDS below this Men need to be trusted they can help!
They need to be appreciated when they do help & their solutions need
to be at least "tried" by the woman. The WOMAN trying to "improve"
him is seen by the man as not "approving" of him the way he was when
she said she loved him!
(2) STRESS:
MEN: To silently think it out FIRST!
WOMEN: To talk about it FIRST and share with loved one & close friends.
Me: This one causes a lot of relationship fights. Men use the "Logic" side of
the brain First!(If they need emotion they can add it from the other side
from the Limbic Emotion Center. WOMEN can actually use BOTH sides
of the Brain at the same time & appear too emotional for the comfort
of the Male trying to help. They don't realize that in that "too emotion-
al display there IS A DEFINITE PROBLEM NEEDING SOLUTION!
(3)INTIMACY & CLOSENESS:
MEN: A "rubberband".....get close....pull away...get close....pull away......
WOMEN: A "wave"......sudden shifts of feelings (drives men nuts)
ME: Men, almost sensing they are too vulnerable being close will sometimes
pull back a little...then realize they might have hurt her and get close.
A WOMAN can drive a man nuts because they can have sudden mood
shifts for no apparent reason! (That gives the MAN that confused &
puzzled look many get...)
(4) LOVE NEEDS:
MEN: Trust....Acceptance....Appreciation!
WOMEN: Caring.....to be understood....to be respected.
ME: It is hard to trust a man that may have hurt you but it is what they
NEED from you.They NEED to be accepted the WAY they ARE!
WOMEN NEED a Man that CARES DEEPLY about them & unfair
or not, they need to be "understood" by their Man like another woman,
close friend or gay man would understand them;NEVER said love's easy!
(5) FIGHTING!
MEN: ...."Always right!"....may invalidate her feelings altogether.
WOMEN: "Disapproving"...uses "guilt"...actually sets him up to defend
himself!
ME: If the Man tells her "You are crazy to let that person get to you!" you
are basically invalidating her reason to be upset.
Women when they fight unfairly tend to use guilt or PAST HURTS
against you until the Man feels compelled to defend himself
(6) GIFT GIVING:
MEN: Giving a man what HE wants is huge!
WOMEN: Little THOUGHTFUL things..(single rose rather than many!)etc.
ME: LISTEN TO HIM MORE! Don't buy him a gift YOU really like if he
would rather have something else. Some men in "making up" think
MORE IS BETTER & get her dozens of roses when one perfect rose
with a written note might mean much more to her.
(7) COMMUNICATION:
MEN: Like to have it BRIEF, DIRECT, and Correct Wording!
WOMEN: Like to EXPLORE FEELINGS; "share" thoughts.
ME: Most men would rather a woman be clear, direct and to the
point! No "beating around the bush", so to speak!(No rambling or
coyness)A woman likes to share thoughts and feelings with the
most important person in her world!
(8) OFFERING ADVICE"
MEN: "I give her EXPERT advice and she'd better take it!"
WOMEN: Don't GIVE ADVICE UNLESS HE ASKS! He sees it as a put-down!
ME: Since a Man usually thinks about it first to come up with the BEST
SOLUTION to help the one he loves feel better...he expects her to
at least try it! A woman needs to remember that if SHE gives HIM
advice without being asked for it...he sees it DIFFERENTLY as a
sign she doesn't think he can figure it out for himself.
MEN & WOMEN HAVE A LOT MORE IN COMMON THAN THIS APPEARS
TO SHOW BUT IF WE DO NOT RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCES WE CAN
FEEL UNLOVED AND UNAPPRECIATED. KNOWLEDGE IS WISDOM.
P.S. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
MRS.B.
God : "So you would love her!"
Man: "But, God,why did you make her so DUMB?"
God: "So SHE would love YOU!!" Amen to that.....
The true man wants two things: Danger & Play
For that reason he wants woman; the most dangerous plaything!
Friedrich Nietzsche
My Advice: (1) NEVER be sick at the same time! MEN become adorable and needy little boys and women want comforting without having to ask for it!
(2) NEVER use an "audience" as a "stage" to cut each other down! It makes others uncomfortable & having to choose sides AND it is UNFAIR FIGHTING!
THIS POST IS DEVOTED TO EXPLAINING SOME OF THE DISTINCT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN THAT IS VITAL TO KNOW!
MOST will be based on what studies have shown interspersed with some of MY
comments after 51 years of marriage. MY comments will be in BLUE.
Three types of love:
(1)Fragile & Passionate or Stable & Companionable.
(2)"The Attachment Theory": A physical connection &
a physical sense of "loss" if they leave.
(3) "The "Styles of Love" by John Alan Lee; 1970 study.
LUDUS: (Game-playing)...several partners; non-committing; the "chase".
EROS: (romantic/passionate) ...."true love"...."love at first sight", etc.
STORGE:("store gaye") ....affectionate & friendly; GROWS out of strong friendship!
AGAPE:(a-ga-pay) Unconditional Love is actually a state of "grace" where
we love someone even if they do not deserve that love at that time.
SO, HOW DO MEN AND WOMEN REACT TO THE SAME THING?!
(You, of course, are free to disagree with these studies or not;give me feedback if you do. Women and Men are Different....Duh.
SITUATION:
(1) PROBLEM SOLVING
MEN: They want to "FIX IT"; come up with SOLUTIONS; ACT on it now!
WOMEN: They want to "IMPROVE IT", offer advice/criticism "For his own good!"...why does he resent that?"
ME: In the LOVE NEEDS below this Men need to be trusted they can help!
They need to be appreciated when they do help & their solutions need
to be at least "tried" by the woman. The WOMAN trying to "improve"
him is seen by the man as not "approving" of him the way he was when
she said she loved him!
(2) STRESS:
MEN: To silently think it out FIRST!
WOMEN: To talk about it FIRST and share with loved one & close friends.
Me: This one causes a lot of relationship fights. Men use the "Logic" side of
the brain First!(If they need emotion they can add it from the other side
from the Limbic Emotion Center. WOMEN can actually use BOTH sides
of the Brain at the same time & appear too emotional for the comfort
of the Male trying to help. They don't realize that in that "too emotion-
al display there IS A DEFINITE PROBLEM NEEDING SOLUTION!
(3)INTIMACY & CLOSENESS:
MEN: A "rubberband".....get close....pull away...get close....pull away......
WOMEN: A "wave"......sudden shifts of feelings (drives men nuts)
ME: Men, almost sensing they are too vulnerable being close will sometimes
pull back a little...then realize they might have hurt her and get close.
A WOMAN can drive a man nuts because they can have sudden mood
shifts for no apparent reason! (That gives the MAN that confused &
puzzled look many get...)
(4) LOVE NEEDS:
MEN: Trust....Acceptance....Appreciation!
WOMEN: Caring.....to be understood....to be respected.
ME: It is hard to trust a man that may have hurt you but it is what they
NEED from you.They NEED to be accepted the WAY they ARE!
WOMEN NEED a Man that CARES DEEPLY about them & unfair
or not, they need to be "understood" by their Man like another woman,
close friend or gay man would understand them;NEVER said love's easy!
(5) FIGHTING!
MEN: ...."Always right!"....may invalidate her feelings altogether.
WOMEN: "Disapproving"...uses "guilt"...actually sets him up to defend
himself!
ME: If the Man tells her "You are crazy to let that person get to you!" you
are basically invalidating her reason to be upset.
Women when they fight unfairly tend to use guilt or PAST HURTS
against you until the Man feels compelled to defend himself
(6) GIFT GIVING:
MEN: Giving a man what HE wants is huge!
WOMEN: Little THOUGHTFUL things..(single rose rather than many!)etc.
ME: LISTEN TO HIM MORE! Don't buy him a gift YOU really like if he
would rather have something else. Some men in "making up" think
MORE IS BETTER & get her dozens of roses when one perfect rose
with a written note might mean much more to her.
(7) COMMUNICATION:
MEN: Like to have it BRIEF, DIRECT, and Correct Wording!
WOMEN: Like to EXPLORE FEELINGS; "share" thoughts.
ME: Most men would rather a woman be clear, direct and to the
point! No "beating around the bush", so to speak!(No rambling or
coyness)A woman likes to share thoughts and feelings with the
most important person in her world!
(8) OFFERING ADVICE"
MEN: "I give her EXPERT advice and she'd better take it!"
WOMEN: Don't GIVE ADVICE UNLESS HE ASKS! He sees it as a put-down!
ME: Since a Man usually thinks about it first to come up with the BEST
SOLUTION to help the one he loves feel better...he expects her to
at least try it! A woman needs to remember that if SHE gives HIM
advice without being asked for it...he sees it DIFFERENTLY as a
sign she doesn't think he can figure it out for himself.
MEN & WOMEN HAVE A LOT MORE IN COMMON THAN THIS APPEARS
TO SHOW BUT IF WE DO NOT RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCES WE CAN
FEEL UNLOVED AND UNAPPRECIATED. KNOWLEDGE IS WISDOM.
P.S. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
MRS.B.
