How to "HANDLE" a Teenager!
Few more Easter sillies:
"Who delivers Easter treats to all the fish in the sea?"
The OYSTER Bunny
"What is big and purple and hugs your Easter basket?"
The Easter BARNEY
"How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan?"
They are famous for stuffing baskets!
p.s. I would apologize for these but it IS my personality!
Birge-Bytes: How do you handle a teenager? BY EXAMPLE!!!! Absolutely the BEST way to parent. Don't do ANYTHING you told THEM NOT to do! You cannot lecture them on HONESTY if you are not
honest with them...you cannot lecture them on being DEPENDABLE &
RESPONSIBLE if you are not & you blow them off with promises not kept. Let them SEE YOU: helping others, being kind w/o expecting a payback, being patient under stress, showing unconditional acceptance of them and "modeling" what you want them to become.
Even Abraham Lincoln said, "You have to do your own growing no matter
how "tall" your Grandfather was!" Parents can and should exemplify good guidance but ultimately it IS what they do with what you taught.
PARENTS ROLE: To CONNECT....TO ACCEPT....TO NURTURE
It always amazes me that you can buy something simple(like a radio) and you get an "Owner's Guide" of 50 pages for that radio! A teenager is incredibly more complex & bravely searching for identity & acceptance.I would like to be your "Owner's Guide" to the treasure you have in your Daughter and/or Son.
#1.CONNECT is the opposite of Abandon!
It can be done with divorce, death, desertion, neglect or indifference. You can be with them 24 hours a day and not be connected. It is the QUALITY not QUANTITY of time.
Elementary School: mostly physical care & love
Middle School: Parent as good "example", love, and knowing their friends and their friends parents.
High School: Parent as steady example, accepting love, knowing their friends(!)and giving them PRIVACY. Whoops? What did I just say??!!
No matter HOW much they may adore their parents this is their time to "try out" Independence & self-Identity WITHIN the safety of family.
They really are not "shutting you out" as much as discovering themselves.
Of course...RUDE IS RUDE...using cells & games at dinner or while family is together or obsessively in place of sports,music,friends.The funniest thing I observed in High School was a group of 6 or 7 friends
sitting in a circle at lunchtime & each was talking on their phones to other
people!? 71% of teens surveyed said they ate at least one meal a day with family BUT of that amount...more than HALF of that amount was while USING a phone, video game, t.v or other solitary distractions.
DURING DINNERTIME is NOT the time to criticize, put-down, personal prying for information or insulting the COOK! (As a child, I would get so nervous eating dinner at a small table with my Stepfather that I had to leave the room to vomit a number of times.)
"Who delivers Easter treats to all the fish in the sea?"
The OYSTER Bunny
"What is big and purple and hugs your Easter basket?"
The Easter BARNEY
"How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan?"
They are famous for stuffing baskets!
p.s. I would apologize for these but it IS my personality!
Birge-Bytes: How do you handle a teenager? BY EXAMPLE!!!! Absolutely the BEST way to parent. Don't do ANYTHING you told THEM NOT to do! You cannot lecture them on HONESTY if you are not
honest with them...you cannot lecture them on being DEPENDABLE &
RESPONSIBLE if you are not & you blow them off with promises not kept. Let them SEE YOU: helping others, being kind w/o expecting a payback, being patient under stress, showing unconditional acceptance of them and "modeling" what you want them to become.
Even Abraham Lincoln said, "You have to do your own growing no matter
how "tall" your Grandfather was!" Parents can and should exemplify good guidance but ultimately it IS what they do with what you taught.
PARENTS ROLE: To CONNECT....TO ACCEPT....TO NURTURE
It always amazes me that you can buy something simple(like a radio) and you get an "Owner's Guide" of 50 pages for that radio! A teenager is incredibly more complex & bravely searching for identity & acceptance.I would like to be your "Owner's Guide" to the treasure you have in your Daughter and/or Son.
#1.CONNECT is the opposite of Abandon!
It can be done with divorce, death, desertion, neglect or indifference. You can be with them 24 hours a day and not be connected. It is the QUALITY not QUANTITY of time.
Elementary School: mostly physical care & love
Middle School: Parent as good "example", love, and knowing their friends and their friends parents.
High School: Parent as steady example, accepting love, knowing their friends(!)and giving them PRIVACY. Whoops? What did I just say??!!
No matter HOW much they may adore their parents this is their time to "try out" Independence & self-Identity WITHIN the safety of family.
They really are not "shutting you out" as much as discovering themselves.
Of course...RUDE IS RUDE...using cells & games at dinner or while family is together or obsessively in place of sports,music,friends.The funniest thing I observed in High School was a group of 6 or 7 friends
sitting in a circle at lunchtime & each was talking on their phones to other
people!? 71% of teens surveyed said they ate at least one meal a day with family BUT of that amount...more than HALF of that amount was while USING a phone, video game, t.v or other solitary distractions.
DURING DINNERTIME is NOT the time to criticize, put-down, personal prying for information or insulting the COOK! (As a child, I would get so nervous eating dinner at a small table with my Stepfather that I had to leave the room to vomit a number of times.)
#2.ACCEPTANCE OF YOUR TEEN!!
The opposite of Acceptance is REJECTION.They may "hide" it with
defiance but basically it HURTS and says "something is wrong with me.I am NOT o.k.?" This rejection can last for years as "unworthiness".
1. Accept them for what they are RIGHT NOW! (Not what they "could be" or "should be" in the future)
2. NEVER compare siblings with each other...really not effective.
3. NEVER use your child to "fulfill" YOUR unfulfilled life goals UNLESS that is ALSO their desire to do! (That is cool!)
4.Provide them clear, fair boundaries of behavior & be consistent.
5. Love should be unconditional (even Ted Bundy's Mother said he was a "good boy...he would never eat people!")BUT you can still let them know clearly that their behavior was wrong
TEENS WANT TO KNOW TWO THINGS
1. WHO AM I? MUST BE THEIR CONCLUSION ON THIS!
**Parents role: "Whoever you end of being...I will still love you!"
2. AM I NORMAL? THIS ALSO MUST BE THEIR DECISION!
** Parents role: "Even if you were "different" in some way...I would still
love you." Now, if the "difference" really is hard to accept for you,
"I love you very much and because I love you so much I really need
to tell you how I feel about this!" (Use your own personality here)
THE NURTURING OF YOUR TEENAGER WILL BE ON THE NEXT POSTING...I LIKE TO GIVE "BIRGEBYTES"...NOT INDIGESTION. MRS.B.
