DIFFERENT BUT EQUAL
Birge-Bytes: "What you ARE is God's gift to you; what you DO with yourself is your gift to God!"
In a meaningful and long marriage or relationship you need to "compromise" many times....Men and Women ARE different in how they process a problem or issue and KNOWING what those differences are can save you a whole lot of pain and confusion with the "opposite sex". Please trust me in this...I have a 51 year marriage and also taught the subject in a High School class.
PROBLEM SOLVING: MEN: almost immediately want to SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH SOLUTIONS (ACTION)
WOMEN: Want to IMPROVE THE RELATIONSHIP by offering advice/criticisms...For his OWN good!?
Answer: Men start thinking from the practical, LOGIC side of the brain FIRST. He "loves" the person and wants to help them in the fastest, most logical way. If she does not try to appreciate his SOLUTION, he will be angry.Women, on the other hand...or side of the brain...sees an issue in the relationship and will try to FIX IT!! It is only for his own good, she will say and is confused why he does not respond well to her "suggestions"!! If the man ASKS for her advise...GO FOR IT,ladies BUT only if ASKED FIRST.
STRESS: MEN: NEED to silently THINK it out first before sharing with others.
WOMEN: NEED to TALK it out first with the ones she loves and trusts...she "shares" the info with
close friends, family, one she loves.
Answer: Women do not do this just to drive men crazy...she needs to"HEAR" her problem audibly to process how important it is to her; women do NOT always need a man's SOLUTION but knowing he LISTENS to her HELPS her solve her own problem. "He loves me enough to LISTEN to me!" is the important part of her sharing. On the other hand, when a Man gets silent or draws back to think and process the BEST way to help her, she sees it as "not caring about my feelings!"
LOVE NEEDS: MEN: Trust, Acceptance, Appreciation from the woman he loves.
WOMEN: Caring, Understanding, Respect from the man they love.
Answer: Men want a woman's "trust" that he can be there for her (if she has been badly hurt before, this is much harder for her to do) He needs "Acceptance" from her! Not repairing, changing him, correcting his language or dress style, etc. but AS HE IS! Women need his RESPECT for her ideas and to know he cares enough to listen.
FIGHTING: MEN: A need to "win" and may even invalidate her to be "right!"
WOMEN: Use guilt so he sets himself up to defend himself OR "disapproving comments".
Answer: There is a right and wrong way to "disagree" in a relationship. PAST EVENTS should never be brought back up if FORGIVEN by you and used for "ammunition" for this fight. STICK to the issue and don't let it escalate unfairly.
GIFT GIVING: MEN: No need for a room full of roses when a single rose and a sweet note
does the same thing for her!
Unless she is really shallow and counts each one as to how MUCH you care!!
WOMEN: Giving a man what HE WANTS is huge! Thoughtful gifts for him that shows you LISTEN,too.
COMMUNICATION: MEN: Most prefer to communicate by BRIEF, DIRECT,CORRECT WORDING...No "beating around the
bush"...No "hemming and hawing" (where did that come from?!)
WOMEN: "Explore thoughts?" "Share feelings?" (Watch their eyes...they "glaze" over)
OFFERING ADVICE: MEN Give "expert" advice and "she'd better take it!"
WOMEN: Don't give a man advice unless ASKED...he sees it as a "put down".
P.S. These Gender Differences do NOT apply to ALL WOMEN AND ALL MEN...but statistically most. I had a lesson plan on EACH of these areas and can add more if there is an interest shown by comments to me. Mrs.B.
In a meaningful and long marriage or relationship you need to "compromise" many times....Men and Women ARE different in how they process a problem or issue and KNOWING what those differences are can save you a whole lot of pain and confusion with the "opposite sex". Please trust me in this...I have a 51 year marriage and also taught the subject in a High School class.
PROBLEM SOLVING: MEN: almost immediately want to SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH SOLUTIONS (ACTION)
WOMEN: Want to IMPROVE THE RELATIONSHIP by offering advice/criticisms...For his OWN good!?
Answer: Men start thinking from the practical, LOGIC side of the brain FIRST. He "loves" the person and wants to help them in the fastest, most logical way. If she does not try to appreciate his SOLUTION, he will be angry.Women, on the other hand...or side of the brain...sees an issue in the relationship and will try to FIX IT!! It is only for his own good, she will say and is confused why he does not respond well to her "suggestions"!! If the man ASKS for her advise...GO FOR IT,ladies BUT only if ASKED FIRST.
STRESS: MEN: NEED to silently THINK it out first before sharing with others.
WOMEN: NEED to TALK it out first with the ones she loves and trusts...she "shares" the info with
close friends, family, one she loves.
Answer: Women do not do this just to drive men crazy...she needs to"HEAR" her problem audibly to process how important it is to her; women do NOT always need a man's SOLUTION but knowing he LISTENS to her HELPS her solve her own problem. "He loves me enough to LISTEN to me!" is the important part of her sharing. On the other hand, when a Man gets silent or draws back to think and process the BEST way to help her, she sees it as "not caring about my feelings!"
LOVE NEEDS: MEN: Trust, Acceptance, Appreciation from the woman he loves.
WOMEN: Caring, Understanding, Respect from the man they love.
Answer: Men want a woman's "trust" that he can be there for her (if she has been badly hurt before, this is much harder for her to do) He needs "Acceptance" from her! Not repairing, changing him, correcting his language or dress style, etc. but AS HE IS! Women need his RESPECT for her ideas and to know he cares enough to listen.
FIGHTING: MEN: A need to "win" and may even invalidate her to be "right!"
WOMEN: Use guilt so he sets himself up to defend himself OR "disapproving comments".
Answer: There is a right and wrong way to "disagree" in a relationship. PAST EVENTS should never be brought back up if FORGIVEN by you and used for "ammunition" for this fight. STICK to the issue and don't let it escalate unfairly.
GIFT GIVING: MEN: No need for a room full of roses when a single rose and a sweet note
does the same thing for her!
Unless she is really shallow and counts each one as to how MUCH you care!!
WOMEN: Giving a man what HE WANTS is huge! Thoughtful gifts for him that shows you LISTEN,too.
COMMUNICATION: MEN: Most prefer to communicate by BRIEF, DIRECT,CORRECT WORDING...No "beating around the
bush"...No "hemming and hawing" (where did that come from?!)
WOMEN: "Explore thoughts?" "Share feelings?" (Watch their eyes...they "glaze" over)
OFFERING ADVICE: MEN Give "expert" advice and "she'd better take it!"
WOMEN: Don't give a man advice unless ASKED...he sees it as a "put down".
P.S. These Gender Differences do NOT apply to ALL WOMEN AND ALL MEN...but statistically most. I had a lesson plan on EACH of these areas and can add more if there is an interest shown by comments to me. Mrs.B.
