IS YOUR "TANK' EMPTY?! (PART ONE)
Birge-Bytes: Source is Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages"
"An invisible man marries an invisible woman...the kids were nothing to look at either!" (Sorry...couldn't resist)
Intro: I have wondered why Jerry and I have been in love for so long
and just celebrated our 50th Anniversary...we are quite different personalities ....until I read this book by Gary Chapman and it answered most of my questions about our love.I will also include the "test" that I gave my students in order for you to know what your is! The "5 Languages" are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time,Receiving Gifts,
Acts of Service and 5th is Physical Touch.
Humans NEED to FEEL the love not only of parents, but also “Significant Others” in their lives. EVERY adult encounter leaves us feeling LOVED or UNLOVED. If LOVED we will be much more OPEN to that persons influence and instruction. IF we feel UNLOVED by that adult.... the words will fall on “deaf ears”and wisdom will NOT be transferred effectively.
MOST PARENTS CONTINUE THE SAME PARENTING SKILLS OF THE FIRST 12 YEARS THAT WORKED WELL...MISTAKE!!!
TEENAGERS are also struggling with SELF-IDENTITY and are comparing
THERE ARE FEW OTHER PERIODS IN LIFE THAT NEED SELF-AFFIRMING WORDS THAN THE TEEN YEARS!
PRAISE IS GIVEN TO RECOGNIZE ACCOMPLISHMENTS!
HOW TO USE WORDS OF AFFECTION!
NOTE: The other four will be in next post. Then take the "test" that follows; following directions carefully.
"An invisible man marries an invisible woman...the kids were nothing to look at either!" (Sorry...couldn't resist)
Intro: I have wondered why Jerry and I have been in love for so long
and just celebrated our 50th Anniversary...we are quite different personalities ....until I read this book by Gary Chapman and it answered most of my questions about our love.I will also include the "test" that I gave my students in order for you to know what your is! The "5 Languages" are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time,Receiving Gifts,
Acts of Service and 5th is Physical Touch.
Humans NEED to FEEL the love not only of parents, but also “Significant Others” in their lives. EVERY adult encounter leaves us feeling LOVED or UNLOVED. If LOVED we will be much more OPEN to that persons influence and instruction. IF we feel UNLOVED by that adult.... the words will fall on “deaf ears”and wisdom will NOT be transferred effectively.
MOST PARENTS DO LOVE THEIR TEENAGERS BUT DOES YOUR TEENAGER FEEL THAT LOVE? We will learn the “PRIMARY” LOVE LANGUAGE WE EACH NEED in order to have a feeling of being loved in this world.
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT TO FUTURE GENERATIONS THAN EFFECTIVELY LOVING THE TEENAGERS OF THIS GENERATION!
Type 1: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
SOME people are VERY SENSITIVE TO NEGATIVE WORDS! POSITIVE WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT ARE VITAL in this type.
As a parent I HAD A FAMILY RULE I CALLED MY “70/30” RULE....70% supportive and encouraging and 30% “Constructive Criticism”!
GOOD ANALOGY: Most parents ARE good parents for the first 12 years but are caught “off guard” when the teen years rolled around! When childhood flows into the “WHITE WATERS” OF ADOLESCENCE...THE PARENTS CANOE WAS DASHED AGAINST THE ROCKS AND THEY FIND THEMSELVES STRUGGLING FOR SURVIVAL!! Is that you?
MOST PARENTS CONTINUE THE SAME PARENTING SKILLS OF THE FIRST 12 YEARS THAT WORKED WELL...MISTAKE!!!
THE TEENAGER IS IN TRANSITION OF A NEW “SONG” OF ADJUSTMENT THAT IS RUN BY INDEPENDENCE AND SELF-IDENTITY NOW.
( THIS “SONG” MUST NOW ALSO HARMONIZE WITH ALL THE
PHYSIOLOGICAL, EMOTIONAL, INTELLECTUAL,SPIRITUAL AND SOCIAL CHANGES INSIDE THEIR MINDS from 13-19.
PARENTS NOT “SINGING THE SAME TUNE” SET THE STAGE FOR CONFLICT.
IT IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT FOR PARENTS TO MAKE "MIDCOURSE CHANGES" AT THIS TIME.
WHEN THE SAME PARENTING METHODS THAT WORKED ON THE CHILD before DO NOT WORK ON THE TEEN.....PARENTS FIND THEY HAVE TO TRY DIFFERENT THINGS NOW AND UNFORTUNATELY USUALLY GO TO “COERCION” (THREATS) WHICH RESULT IN ARGUEMENTS AND SOMETIMES VERBAL ABUSE.
INSTEAD OF SUBMISSION...THE PARENT EXPERIENCES REBELLION!...THEY ARE REPLACING THE TEENS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SYSTEM (AFFIRMATION) WITH VERBAL WARFARE!
I. CEASE FIRING VERBAL ATTACKS
LET THE TEENAGER KNOW THEY ARE AWARE OF THE PROBLEM
AND WANT TO CHANGE IT FOR SOMETHING BETTER FOR BOTH.
TEENAGERS DO NEED BOUNDARIES; PARENTS MUST CONTINUE TO LET THEM KNOW CLEAR, FAIR RULES AND STICK TO WHAT IS DECIDED BY BOTH SIDES!
“DEATH AND LIFE ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE!’ HEBREW PROVERB
themselves with others in all areas and experience self-doubts, low self-esteem and blame themselves.
HOW TO USE WORDS OF PRAISE AND WORDS OF AFFECTION!
WORDS OF PRAISE ARE TO RECOGNIZE BEHAVIOR..... AND WORDS OF AFFECTION ARE USED TO SAY HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM AS A PERSON!
(A)It MUST BE SINCERE...they want integrity & can tell.
(B) PRAISE SPECIFIC THINGS! DON’T BE VAGUE.
(C) IF YOU CAN’T FIND A SPECIFIC RESULT....PRAISE EFFORTHOW TO USE WORDS OF AFFECTION!
(A) MOST COMMON AND MOST EFFECTIVE IS “I LOVE YOU”.
(B) VERBAL AFFECTION CAN FOCUS ON PHYSICAL OR PERSONALITY TRAITS...
" I TRUST YOU,HONEY”.....”YOU MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY AROUND YOU” ETC.
“YOUR HAIR LOOKS GREAT THAT WAY...”
(C) GIVE WORDS OF AFFECTION IN FRONT OF OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS.....NOT IN front of their “PEERS”. THO!!! CAREFUL!!!!!
