Are you a "Defective Cupcake!?"
Simply Said: "What we hide has POWER over us. What is buried alive...stays inside and never dies!"
With all my talk about forgiving and all the "forgiving" I had already done in my life...I left the ONE most painful person
"alive" in me for 70 years! PLEASE, my wonderful readers, do
NOT do this to yourself! If you leave someone poisonous inside & not explore it with introspection or therapy...you are actually LETTING THAT PERSON live inside you "rent-free"!! His name was Louis G.Poterek...the man who taught me
fear...my Stepfather.
No, he never laid a hand on me physically to do it. I found that "mental abuse" is every bit as bad as "physical abuse"; if not MORE so.A scar can heal.......
When I finally did get professional help(in my fifties) the Counselor said I was "like a cupcake!" On the surface I had a
wonderful, kind exterior everyone admired (I needed to be liked so very much after the mental "beating") I was "the Nicest Teacher" EVER, my students said; It WAS genuine on my part because I KNEW SO PERSONALLY THEIR PAIN at that age.They knew it was genuine and did not take advantage of me...in fact, they actually said it was BECAUSE of it that we had no "generation-gap" and they felt free to talk to me....go figure! So, apparently, the counselor said that my "icing" was perfect but.....my CAKE was defective! Wonderful! This was a compliment? It was totally true & it was only day one! Took me little over a year to heal my"cake".
I was so afraid of him I couldn't eat supper at the same table without stomach churning. He removed the spark plugs from my mother's car so she couldn't take me to choir practice.
He gave away or killed my pets in front of me. He left razor blades around on open Detective magazines about murder...
I could easily go on with details of the abuse but THEN he would STILL be alive in my mind as he was from age 9-18.
My wonderful wise son, David, told me to TELL PEOPLE
HOW I SURVIVED...the details needed to be forgotten!!
On August 13, 2013, actually during a sermon by a "guest speaker" about forgiveness...Luke 39 ...I "felt" the words very clearly & wrote it down..."God has seen every hurt you have had, Beverly; God is all you have or need" Yes, I normally take notes at church of relevant parts of the sermon...but THIS was different..this was INSIDE my mind; very tender and
loving and used my name?!at the ending prayer I prayed..
"I NEED TO FORGIVE YOU,LOU. PLEASE HELP ME,LORD."
Do I still get "triggers" with present day incidents of similar events? SURE, but the difference is now I "recognize " WHY
AND LET IT GO!!
I "evicted" him from living "rent free" in my brain so i can now fully love the life God gave me with Jerry,Terri,John,Cullen,Dylan,David, Michelle and extended family & friends which have been truly a "God-send" for me.
I KNOW MY POSTS GO TO FAMILY AND READERS BUT IF I CAN HELP JUST ONE OTHER PERSON ACHIEVE THE PEACE I HAVE FOUND... MY LIFE IS AN OPEN BOOK FOR ALL.
Honey,Mom,Grammy,Mrs.B.
With all my talk about forgiving and all the "forgiving" I had already done in my life...I left the ONE most painful person
"alive" in me for 70 years! PLEASE, my wonderful readers, do
NOT do this to yourself! If you leave someone poisonous inside & not explore it with introspection or therapy...you are actually LETTING THAT PERSON live inside you "rent-free"!! His name was Louis G.Poterek...the man who taught me
fear...my Stepfather.
No, he never laid a hand on me physically to do it. I found that "mental abuse" is every bit as bad as "physical abuse"; if not MORE so.A scar can heal.......
When I finally did get professional help(in my fifties) the Counselor said I was "like a cupcake!" On the surface I had a
wonderful, kind exterior everyone admired (I needed to be liked so very much after the mental "beating") I was "the Nicest Teacher" EVER, my students said; It WAS genuine on my part because I KNEW SO PERSONALLY THEIR PAIN at that age.They knew it was genuine and did not take advantage of me...in fact, they actually said it was BECAUSE of it that we had no "generation-gap" and they felt free to talk to me....go figure! So, apparently, the counselor said that my "icing" was perfect but.....my CAKE was defective! Wonderful! This was a compliment? It was totally true & it was only day one! Took me little over a year to heal my"cake".
I was so afraid of him I couldn't eat supper at the same table without stomach churning. He removed the spark plugs from my mother's car so she couldn't take me to choir practice.
He gave away or killed my pets in front of me. He left razor blades around on open Detective magazines about murder...
I could easily go on with details of the abuse but THEN he would STILL be alive in my mind as he was from age 9-18.
My wonderful wise son, David, told me to TELL PEOPLE
HOW I SURVIVED...the details needed to be forgotten!!
On August 13, 2013, actually during a sermon by a "guest speaker" about forgiveness...Luke 39 ...I "felt" the words very clearly & wrote it down..."God has seen every hurt you have had, Beverly; God is all you have or need" Yes, I normally take notes at church of relevant parts of the sermon...but THIS was different..this was INSIDE my mind; very tender and
loving and used my name?!at the ending prayer I prayed..
"I NEED TO FORGIVE YOU,LOU. PLEASE HELP ME,LORD."
Do I still get "triggers" with present day incidents of similar events? SURE, but the difference is now I "recognize " WHY
AND LET IT GO!!
I "evicted" him from living "rent free" in my brain so i can now fully love the life God gave me with Jerry,Terri,John,Cullen,Dylan,David, Michelle and extended family & friends which have been truly a "God-send" for me.
I KNOW MY POSTS GO TO FAMILY AND READERS BUT IF I CAN HELP JUST ONE OTHER PERSON ACHIEVE THE PEACE I HAVE FOUND... MY LIFE IS AN OPEN BOOK FOR ALL.
Honey,Mom,Grammy,Mrs.B.
